Learning from broken bones

If you have read my last post in January (I know I'm horrible), then you know that I was going to start running. It started out great. I would go to the gym and run. My times were not going to win any awards, but they were not so bad. I found that I enjoyed the running. In late January I entered and finished my first 5K. The snowball run for Evangel Classical School. It was COLD!!! But I finished without to a horrible time and it kinda started an addiction. But to be honest the busy life interrupted my running for a few weeks. But as my birthday came around I was gifted the entry fee for an adventure 5k. This means you run your 5K but you also have obstacles to go through. Once the starting shot was fired we had to do 30 burpees before we could even start running the course. If you don't know what a burpee is- google it. But it can best be described as hell on earth in the form of an exercise. One or two are not that bad but 30 is a different story. We then climbed a hill jumped a fence, went through a stream, jumped hurdles, another stream, a pond that I swam across then army crawled under barbed wire in mud. After that we ran through a barn where they threw powdered dye on us and then there was a flat, clear field we had to run through to get to the next obstacle. This was about the half way mark of the race. As I exited the barn, I was tired, dirty and hot but still enjoying the race. But then I rolled my ankle. No root, or rock, or hole, just my weak ankle rolled. It hurt but I roll them all the time so I thought I could get up and tough it out. I could not apply any pressure. The Medics had to come remove me from the course and that was the end of the race for me.

Long story short it was broken. There is a little bone in the middle of your ankle about the size of a postage stamp that I broke the front left corner off of. When it broke it also managed to flip upside down and backwards so the orthopedic said I need to have a lypo surgery to have it removed. Well when he got in there he decided to go ahead and perform a real surgery and add 2 screws to my ankle to hold the bone in place. No big deal but that means no weight bearing for 3 months.

If you know we at all, you know that I am very active. I have a large family, a great church and a circle of friends that keeps me very busy. And did I mention I work too! And in all this I never say no. I don't have money to throw at things so I throw my skills, time and talents. Be it singing, making coffee, cooking, organizing events, my plate is full and I LOVE IT. But all that is hard to do when you can't stand on your own two feet. The smallest things like bathing, getting a glass of tea, going to the grocery store, all became Mount Everest to me.

But like I said before I have a large family and a great circle of friends. I had meals catered to me, folks coming over to load the dishwasher, and being waited on hand and foot. Sounds amazing right? It is, in the fact that I know I am loved and taken care of, but for a doer like myself, it is very hard to accept and get use to. I found myself apologizing and thanking every other word. It was HARD to lay there and let people do for me. It still is hard as a lay with my boot propped up as I write this. But I have to look at what I can learn from this. I have to see how God can speak to me through this.

Sometimes its not the easiest thing to let things happen around you when you have no control over them. Sometimes you have to realize that you may have paid it forward to many and accept when its your turn to receive. Sometimes you have to give up control and let other do so they can learn, and develop. And sometimes you just have to lay on the sofa, pray and listen to what God is wanting to do in your life.

One of the things that has happened so far in my laid up stage is the release of the Kingwood Worship album, A Place Called Grace. I was lucky enough to sing backgrounds on this album, but it wasn't until I was laying on the sofa, wondering why this happened, when can I get up? that the song "You Are Faithful" ministered to me more than it has the many times I have taken part in singing it.

He is Faithful.
I am not forgotten.
I can trust Him.
He will never leave me.
He's right beside me.
I know that I can find Him.
Every time I need Him, He's there.
Mountains and valleys, when I don't know it, He is there.

So as I lay here, letting others take the lead. Having to ask for help. Feeling like a burden.
He is there.
Every time!

Accountability

As the new year begins, we all reflect on 2013 and how it has effected us and how we can improve and challenge ourselves in 2014. Last year I made a list of resolutions. But I refused to call them that because so many times that just leads to a list of non-completed items. So with a friend we came up with our list of "Acountabilities."

This would be a list of things we want to do or change in the new year but because of the nature of the list, we would hold each other accountable to the list. I have to say that my list was long, but MOST of the list has a check next to it.

So for 2014 I am making a new list of Accoutabilites. And I am making it public so more people will see what is happening. I HATE to fail. So knowing that I have eyes on me, and maybe even someone quizzing me about the list, will keep me on track.

In 2014 I want to:

1. paint my living room- I have lived in my house for 6 years now and I still have not painted the walls in my living room. I. hate. tan!!!!
2. run a marathon. now you may think- Scott 26.2 miles is a really long distance! But I have a good friend that said its possible and I am going to give it my best. I have already started running, so now I just need to keep I up.
3. write more- this will be a place to do that. I often think about amazing ideas for stories and blogs but it is usually while driving or showering. I just need to follow through and "put them on paper"
4. SAVE MONEY!!!! I will be honest and admit that I am horrible at budgeting. But, I have found a plan that I have already started that, if I follow through, I will have saved over $1500 by the end of 2014. That is A LOT of money to me!!!
5. learn a new skill- this one is still up in the air. I would LOVE to play the piano, and have access to a teacher, but need a practice keyboard. Once I have that I plan on taking lessons. If it is not the piano, I wouldn't mind learning some wood working. I so often will not buy items because I can see how simple it would be to make them myself. Soooo, Pinterest is going to be my new best friend!!!! Maybe I will do both!!!

That is my list so far. In 2013 I took a dream vacation, lost 33 lbs and started taking better  are of my self physically. It was a hard year (read Ripples if you want to know more), but to leave a year with your family, friends, church, health and so many other blessings still intact, how can it be a bad one.

So friends, you have my permission to hold me accountable! You have my permission to ask about the list above! You also have my permission to donate a keyboard or piano!!!! LOL

I look forward to this year tests, trials and blessings!!!

Love.

The other day I was in Walmart with a friend that is not in church. There's no reason to discuss why this friend isn't actively attending a church, but the fact is that at one point he was and now he's not. During our progression through Walmart, we were there to purchase items for the coffee shop that I run at church, we ran into someone that I have always respected and looked up to because of their spiritual gifts and just overall being. We were still several feet away when I spotted and made eye contact with this holy person, but I was puzzled by the look that came across their face. A gaping mouth, head popped back shocked look at the two of us standing in the dairy department. As we progressed towards this holy person they turned their head and scratched the back of their head as if they were trying to avoid being seen by us. So I spoke to the person saying, "Hey, how are you?" Through disgust and gritted teeth this person replied but never looked at me nor my friend.

This puzzled me because I always knew this person as a loving, caring, social person who had gone out of their way to minister to so many people. Giving confirmed words of God that I, myself had been ministered to as well as others. So why in the world would this person do a thing like that? Then it hit me that it was the company that I was with.

 

When the person with me left the church, there were so many rumors that had gotten around and yet none of them were true. And even if they were, even if I had walked into Walmart with a convicted rapist, incestuous, murderer, baby killer; I would think that my reputation would supersede anything else because it's not like I was doing anything other than be pushing a buggy in the dairy section at Walmart with someone tagging along beside me. It made me angry. It made me think ill will towards that holy person, just thinking that this person is uneducated, unenlightened. But then I got to thinking how can that be? They minister to so many people and are on the front row every Sunday and are trying to evangelize to so many people but yet have no love for a fallen person, where's the distinction? Where is the love of Jesus in the situation? I remember reading about Jesus stopping men from stoning a whore! I remember reading about Jesus dying on the cross for the least of these sinners! But what got me even more upset is the fact that in my friend's life, he is seeking God and is through love, through attention, through patience that he has gotten back to where he needs to be.

 

No he's not but on the front row the church every Sunday, but he actively reads his Bible. He prays and talks to me about God. He talks to me about his relationship with God, he is seeking counseling for his marriage and counseling for himself. But none of that is showing out to the world. And it doesn't need to be because thats his personal business. But yet these disasterous, life altering rumors will always known. 

How did Mary Magdalene feel when she knew she'd given up the life of sin and was following God? Following His son and washing her Saviors feet with her hair! And yet others who had heard about her past and even heard stories that were true about her past, looked at her with shame and disgust! Those holy people that also followed Jesus, that were also changed but you couldn't see the change that God had done inside her. We've all seen pictures of the smokers lungs and how disgusting that can be. How unhealthy it is, the black tar smothered lungs that often kill smokers. Think about those being turned into brand-new, healthy, vivacious, full of air lungs! God can do that in instance with our heart, with our soul. But at no point does anyone else get to see or experience that change instantly. Yes overtime people will see the way that we act and know that we are changed because of that, but that initial point before we take a step out and start living our lives the way that He  commanded us to, nobody sees that. All they see is the same outer shell that once was a old creation. But out of love we can take someone who's been broken, beaten-down, has never known Jesus, who has known Jesus 1000 years and fallen and bring them back to a restored life of Christ. But out of not loving, doing the exact opposite, acting as the person in Walmart did, we can also push them a thousand miles away from God and the church and other Christians.

The next day was Sunday. I went to church and I worked in the coffee house and when it came time for me to go into the service, I went and sat down in the seat that have been saved for me by the person that walked along side me in Walmart, my friend who was no longer in church. I wanted more than anything for the holy person from the dairy section to turn and make eye contact with me because I wanted to see the look on their face, the reaction that you gave me last night where is that reaction now? Because this person is changing. This person is not gonna let the rumors that you've heard affect his walk with God. I thought about walking up to the holy person and saying something directly to them asking them, "what was all that about?" Then I realized, that you know what, it doesn't matter because just like the words that they heard that made them think so negatively about this one person, my words couldn't change their mind, they could've fallen on deaf ears. 

There's a saying about a ship being a huge vessel and the rudder being just a small part, it's often compared to our tongue. We have this enormous body and then just this one little thing that can steer us in so many directions. I don't know if me saying something to the holy person would have corrected the situation, but I do feel like it was probably more of a humanistic instinct of mine to say something and try to get it corrected. But I challenge anyone reading this to love. Love the widow that's across the street. Love the children that are playing in your front yard when you get home from work. Love the homeless person who sitting outside that smells like alcohol and has no teeth from their meth addiction. Love the person who sits next to you in church that you don't know their name. Love the person that used to sit next to you that you see in Walmart. Love your ex-husband. Love the person that treated you horribly. Love the person that you think will never come to Christ. Because in this day and age, with these type of people that are going around living their lives among us, love is going to be the one thing that speaks out to them. Preaching is an amazing thing that ministers to people's needs and wounds, but love is an unspoken word that can get you further than 1000 spoken words. 

When I was a child and I would get disciplined I would tell my mother I'm sorry. Her response would always be "prove it." I didn't understand what that meant at first. I thought well I'll go clean something to prove it, but then I realized that what she was saying is don't do it again and let me see you change. That's how to prove that you love someone and It will get you further in life than just telling them about Jesus. You can love someone without accepting their sins. You can love someone without preaching to them about their sins. You can love someone by just being there, letting them talk and let them listen to the voice of God  saying come back. That'll get you more responses and more friends than anything else. And friends are the only thing you can take with you to heaven. So I leave you with this challenge: love even those that have fallen away from God, love even those that have never known God, love every human as Jesus did. And it will be hard, there will be people that anger you. Pray for them! It is harder to be angry or hate someone that you're praying for. Not praying about the situation, but actually praying for them. Eventually the anger will turn to love and you'll be praying for that person so earnestly that when you see them and when you react to them they'll notice a difference. Their heart will start softening. So I guess I really am leaving you now with is do until others as you would have been doing to you, the golden rule that we learned as a child still applies as an adult.

Ripples

Its been a while since I last posted.
A lot has happened.
A lot has changed.
The best roommate ever, Matt Groomes, has moved out to start a new life in Tallahassee, Florida.
I went on vacation.
My air conditioning at home went out.
My air conditioning at home was repaired several HOT days later.
I lost 23 lbs.
Gained 5 back.
Lost 4 more.
My dad had a stroke. This is the biggest happening. It was life altering. Not just his but everyones'. But isn't that just how life is. Our lives are like a big body of water. Currents and flows underneath but still and smooth on top. But throw something into the it, and you get these ripples. I'm not sure your if you have ever watched these ripple but they keep going. You can eventually see them lapping at the shore. It may not be giant waves, but the ripples are there.
But we Burkes are a strong, close knit family that God brought together and nothing can tear apart. So we all team up and help with his progress in physical, speech and occupational therapy. I watch as I see the vows that my parents took and then renewed in October being lived out again and again. Sickness and health, Good times and bad. And the whole time smiles on their faces because they are together. To see their love for each other. Their caring touches. Their need to have each other in the same room. Makes me, their child, their 35 year, grown man child, feel safe. Always has. Always will. Because that is the foundation that our life was built on. You don't run from hard times. Because we have a Comforter, a Healer, a Provider, a Strength, a Friend, a God that my parents made sure was the center of our family. And now that ripples are occurring, we are not worried. We are not stressed. Because we are HIS. He has given us each other.
I look at the world and see so many "blended families" and see how they fail. How there are "his" and "hers" but we were always just a family. We were all US. OURS. Maybe its the vows we, the "kids",  all took that day so long ago too. And I am so thankful for the life that I was given. I could be a poster child for so many things. But instead I have a story of love conquering all. A story of victory. A story gives me HOPE in knowing that the effects of the stroke will go away!!!
WHY?
Because the day after my dad had his stroke he woke up singing this song:

Look what the Lord has done,
Look what the Lord had done,
HE HEALED MY BODY
HE changed my mind
HE saved me, just in time
Oh I'm going to praise His name
Each day is just the same,
Come on and praise Him
Look what Lord done.

And I know that this ripple that is affecting all of us right now till eventually go back to the smooth calm surface, because it always does.

Questions

What profound thing do I have to say?

What new and interesting thought is in my head that isn’t in yours?

Where am I going that hasn’t been gone?

What song is unsung?

What color unsplashed?

Whose name unmentioned?

Am I to be more than I?

Am I to be satisfied with myself?

Is there more to this life?

Is there more to search for, run after, yearn for?

Is there something in me that is greater than the mundane?

Am as really special?

Is everyone special?

When do dreams stop?

When are you supposed to stop chasing them?

My biggest fear is to be an old man in a home with a list of unanswered questions.

This Boy is on Fire!

Long before Alisha Keys was tearing up the ivory keyboard with her hit song “This Girl is on Fire,” I had a little incident as a kid that, now looking back, is really funny. I would like to share that with you today.

If you know my story at all, you know that for a while my dad was single with 4 kids. He was amazing! And like some ungodly high percentage of kids in the world today; we were “latch key kids.” Also being southern, we were raised DIY’ers!!! That being said, my dad had told my older brothers to start digging a hole in the yard to the side of our house. (In all honesty I think we were either having septic tank cleaned out or something like that.)

I was around 7, that makes Jenny 6ish (depending on the time of year) Randy 10 and Andy 12. (Hopefully I did my math right.) As they dug, the hole got huge! Like VW Beatle huge! To a 7 year old, that is massive. But as you can probably imagine it was also getting late. The sun was setting and darkness was over taking our task! But like most southern boys on the cusp of manhood, we were resourceful. (Please insert pyromaniac here). So Andy and Randy built a fire to continue working. Jenny was inside, I have no idea doing what, and I was being hypnotized by the dancing flames.

As we all know, no southern flame is complete without a little gasoline. Even a 7 year knows that. My dad had a 10 gallon metal gas can that, at the time, came up to my chest. I used all my strength to carry the gas can from the storage shed. I had to literally kick it with my left leg to get it to move at all, in the process spilling gas down the side of the can and on my leg. But I wasn’t that observant back then so I trudged forward with my task to assist my brothers with the chore at hand.

As the two pre-teens continued to shovel away at the dusty dirt, I managed to fill the small metal cap of the gas can with the fuel. I then yelled a warning and tossed the gas on the fire………This where everything switches to slow motion in my mind. Like in the Matrix, I can remember finite details that may have otherwise been lost, but I remember the blue shirt I was wearing. The hum of the air conditioning unit that was over to my left, the amount of dew that was already in the ground. Everything is still very vivid in my mind.

As I stood there, eyes squinted to the heat, brothers dunked at the influx of flames, something magical happen. The fire came alive. It was like a serpent and I was its charmer, only I wasn’t that good. Because as I stood there, out of the wall of fire a snake of flames slithered its way out in mid-air and attached itself to my left shin. Now, he only kissed me for a second and then withdrew, but because I had carried the gas can is such a hazardous way, my leg was drenched in gasoline.

I TOOK OFF!!!

In circles.

Remember, every detail and memory is still fresh in my mind! So we go from the slow motion of the dancing asp to a bat out of hell, almost literally!!! I remember as I lapped my stunned, stammering brothers, screaming. Not making sense, but I remember screaming. I also remember McGruff the Crime Dog telling us to Stop. Drop. And Roll. Let me tell you something, when you are 7 and on fire, you will not listen to McGruff. I COULD NOT STOP! I knew I should, but all rational thought was burned up!! So I ran.

But I have 2 “heroes!” Andy and Randy! Yep! After they figured out exactly what was happening, they figured out a solution.

KNOCK HIM DOWN AND STOMP HIS LEG OUT!

And that is just what they did! So if being on fire wasn’t enough, I now had two guys 3 and 5 years older than me stomping on my seared, 7 year old leg.

By this time my dad had come home and Jenny had somehow informed him that I was on fire and “the boys” were putting me out. My dad came rushing to us finding “the boys” using the hose pipe to cool my leg off. Can I just say, if you ever see someone on fire, please for me, do not pour cold water on them. They will have exposed nerves and that will hurt almost as much as the fire!

My dad scooped me up, carried me inside and, turn a fan on me, same as the water guys. Not a good idea!! But he took off my shoe, surprisingly unharmed by the fire and tried to remove my jeans, but we were now joined as one. It was trip to the hospital. I was given the magical drug morphine. It makes things a little foggy but the details aren’t important. As they cut off my jeans and sock, both were not harmed by the fire, but we found underneath my leg was much different. It looked like a pillar candle that had been burning for several hours. Like wax that runs down the side of the candle and then cools, my skin mirrored that image.

They removed the burned skin, patched me up, and showed my dad how to doctor me and the rest is history. I have a scar, I always will, but I also have a great story that I find hilarious! You know, there is a saying, “what does not kill us makes us stronger.” That is so true. And in those strength building periods we are building character that develops who we are, how we handle things and how we treat people.

Now at the ripe old age of 7, I clearly did not see things as I do now. But as I look back I see that this fire incident marked me. And over the years I have learned many life lessons from this. Like you have to live with the scars of stupid decisions your whole life. But you are wiser for it!

Just getting started

So I finally did it.
For months and maybe years I have been on again, off again contemplating the need for a creative release for the words that float in my head. Having written all through school, but only writing for work, I have years of bottled up opinions, ideas, stories, songs, and so much more.
So here it is!
A place for me to let this overflow.
A place for me to let me be me.
To work out my thoughts on "paper".
To explore more of who I am.
To expose a little more of myself to the world.
To minister.
And oddly enough be ministered to in the process.
So read it like.
I don't know all the rules about blogs.
But this one will be unique, because it is mine.